mania? in this economy?
when your disability disables, plus trans/literary links
Bipolar disorder is so annoying, y’all. But whenever all else fails, I like to return to writing. It usually helps. And if nothing else, it keeps me from doing more destructive activities.
When I’m scared of myself I pick up the pen and when I’m scared of the pen I pick up a book. Eventually the sun rises. Eventually everyone wakes up. I become a person again, or I find it easier to try.
I’ve been thinking about masking. I’ve been thinking about how my emotional stuff gets worse when I try to suppress it. I’ve been thinking that even though I haven’t slept more than 4 consecutive hours in however long, I am honestly riding this wave fairly easily. Maybe it’s still too early to tell. Maybe to other people outside of myself, it isn’t easy. Maybe I’m just not repressing it for once. I really want to close my eyes, but I am finding it difficult to close my eyes.
All that to say, having a debilitating *thing* is isolating as fuck sometimes. I don’t feel completely isolated this time. For the most part, I feel a tiny bit less scared of actually leaning on other people.
I am unable to close my eyes so I am slowly surviving. Slowly answering an email here and there. Slowly writing these sentences. No, my thoughts are so fast, so are my hands, but the editing is slow methodical, like detangling my hair in a humid texas summer. I’ve been writing this post for the last 30 hours. Things are happening at my pace and it is the only way for me to survive bipolar, I think.
I don’t know why I choose to be vulnerable on the internet and in my books. Sometimes I don’t know that I have a choice.
I’ve been gathering links and things for the next big round-up for a while. So I hope there is something here of use to you or someone you love.
To read:
Las Biuty Queens: Stories by Iván Monalisa Ojeda
mania means no sleep means i read this in less than 24 hours. This collection follows the lives of queer and trans Latinx sex workers in New York. The first story, “Overdose,” is a piece of short fiction that will stay with me for a while. I can’t recommend Las Biuty Queens enough
“MtFtM” by Willow James Claire - one of my favorite poets in one of my favorite venues???
“Love from Dad” by B Kolcow is in the gorgeous gorgeous fifth wheel press dreamland anthology
fun fact: when this poem was originally published with lickety~split, I of course had to add it to my thesis reading list
I’m a big fan of “Binaural” from Guérin Asante
Not Ghosts, But Spirits III from Querencia Press - all sales will be donated to The Transgender Law Center!
Moist Poetry Journal’s Queer Environment issue is really good, y’all
This list of every banned book in the US is startling. Scrolling through the Texas list and seeing books that made me the reader and thinker I am today did something to my psyche.
Relatedly, check out “I Made the Most Banned Book in America” from Maia Kobabe, the author of GENDER QUEER.
A round-up of 2023 transfem lit
someday I will finish writing my critical review of Bellies for you all1
Submissions & other opportunities:
Light Bill Incubator Microgrant for Black and/or Indigenous writers is open until 10/31: this opportunity awards $500, a slot in Sundress’s reading series, and more for writers with a chapbook in progress
Transphoria: A Trans and Non-binary Comic Anthology is open for submissions til 11/22
Compiling the Next Trans Codex: Learning from the Writers of the Trans Halakha Project, a virtual lecture series, begins this month
Abode Press is still open for chapbook submissions in all genres til 11/30
fifth wheel press is open for visual manuscripts til 10/31
Split/Lip Press is open for nonfiction manuscripts til 12/1
Foglifter is open for queer+ writers til 11/1
ANMLY is open for subs in all genres
my baby, “it’s a good day to be trans!: a folio on trans joy,” lives in the last issue
I recently joined just femme & dandy as the editor for the fat fashion section, fat + furious. I’m so fucking thrilled about it. The theme of issue 6 is TIME TRAVEL! I especially wanna read pitches from trans people of color. Check out our whole call for subs here
Surveys, if you have a minute:2
If you’re a freelance book critic, check out this survey from the Freelance Solidarity Project
For fellow disabled trans folks, consider looking into the Disabled & Deaf Trans People's Survey from The Disability Project
Semi-self-promo corner (a guy’s gotta eat):
I want to start a low-stakes writing group for fellow bipolars. So, here’s an interest form, if that sort of thing, uh, interests you. We’ll see what happens.
I recently dropped this zine from my period of artistic burnout. You can download I WISH I WAS CREATING for free at the link, or for not-free if you want a limited edition trans poetica sticker.
ICYMI, a couple weeks ago I wrote about why I hate being called hispanic
I have a lil poem about deer and the Hill Country and my mortality in VIBE’s upcoming Anthropoetics.3 You can pre-order here.
I’m reading at BookWoman in Austin on October 12th. The event is hybrid for my out-of-Texas friends. And it will be followed by an open mic! Registration and more info here.
Nothing teaches you the fleeting nature of life like living with bipolar disorder.4
Hasta next, hopefully more chill, time
<3
You may have noticed that I recently added a paid option for this newsletter. Subscriptions help me continue doing the freelance/poet thing while also being trans and disabled. Plus, if you subscribe as a founding member, I’ll send you a zine grab bag!
That said, trans poetica will always always remain free. I do this because I love writing and connecting with likeminded folks. “From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs.” Thanks for reading this far down!
to any lovely editors who hang out around here, i always love finding new homes and actual deadlines for reviews <3
i’m shocked this is a category this time lmao
i keep thinking about the AJJ lyric: And the ugliest word in the English language is “Anthropocene”
thinking of the lyrics of someone i can’t listen to in good conscience… “name one genius that ain’t crazy” didn’t have to hit me so hard in 2020
I love this, burn-out is so hard and the guilt, the guilt! Great to see other writer's following the 'my-pace' philosophy!
“things are happening at my pace” yes ❤️ needed to hear that