proof of existence

mini essay on disability + trans/literary resources & links

Howdy amigues & new readers!

I wrote in my last post on June 1, “I’m going to write poetry every day this month. (I’m going to be nice to myself when my disability inevitably gets in the way of writing every day).”

I hesitated to join an accountability group for that reason. On top of leading the Abode poetry workshop this month (which has been such an incredible experience!) and my many other writing obligations, I was worried the shame surrounding my limitations would be too much. It’s been a process!

In the past, perhaps I would have fallen off for a day or two, and then gotten too overwhelmed with thoughts like I’m worthless/I suck/I’m just going to quit— but I haven’t done that yet. Like I promised above, I’m being nice to myself, and trying again the next day.

Back in December I picked up a wonderful poetry zine from Jazz Bell, ACCESS DREAMING. Returning to their poems and thinking deeply about the questions in this zine helped me reframe the way I was treating myself and the way I hope to show up for others.

excerpt from the first poem, “I don’t know how to write disability poems you can understand”

Last week, I even tried to write a few poems with voice to text. (That was a really weird experience, honestly, which might lead to more poems?) Here’s a rough rough rough draft:

The frustration of not being able to do anything I like doing, or in some cases need to do, is indescribable and often compounds into something resembling depression.

I’m not much of a TV watcher, mostly because I’m picky. This is not to say I have good taste, I just have a hard time caring enough about things happening to fictional people on screen. (Maybe it’s because we didn’t have a television for part of my childhood, maybe I am my parents’ child preferring reading and writing to literally anything else). I eventually decided to finally finish watching Los Espookys, and because I couldn’t get enough of the queer Latinx magic on screen, I watched Julio Torres’ My Favorite Shapes, followed immediately by the first episode of his new show Fantasmas. 

Look. If you, like me, consider yourself a haunted Latinx individual, you will love these shows.

this is my gender, actually (Julio Torres as Andrés in Los Espookys)

In the first episode of Fantasmas, companies buy up apartment complexes and buildings, and, like many activities, require renters to provide proof of existence. 

What is my proof of existence under colonial capitalist systems that don’t care about human life? Is it my poems? Is it the number of people in my contact list? Is it a social media presence? Is it the literal blood, sweat, and tears this country takes in order to exist in its current form?

Do people like me even exist in white supremacist imagination? In the colonial blueprints of the usa? Doubtful.

But I’m here anyways, learning new ways of existing.

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Writing life update!! I got accepted to the Roots Wounds Words writing retreat this fall! I’m still fundraising for the tuition cost— if you’re able to donate, message me and I’ll send you a zine. I’m also happy to offer editorial consults or any other writing services for $50+ donations. You can find more on my site.

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Solidarity with Palestine:

• On June 8, over 100,000 protestors created the people’s red line around the white house since it’s clear biden has no red line. Find in-person actions and red lines here

• If you’re an academic, sign on to this letter of support for Dr. Raz Segal— yet another case of pro Palestine and anti genocide professors being punished

• Keep calling your reps— USCPR is a good resource for engaging with us representatives

• Check out the BDS site for up to date info on boycotting

• Donate to people in need through Gaza Funds

• Check out the workshop offerings or propose your own through Workshops4Gaza

• Here is a free #NoPrideInApartheid toolkit. Here is a completely unrelated link you should not click on or read

Writing, Art, & Grant Opportunities:

• LittlePuss Press

  • We are currently considering original manuscripts of fiction and non-fiction (including works-in-progress). We are also considering reprint proposals of literary/historical works of significance by transgender authors.

• Printed Matter is seeking artists books, zines, etc on Decolonization, Resistance & Solidarity

• Room Magazine - Humor issue - open to all genres by folks of marginalized genders - closes when submission cap is reached

• GARLAND - queer SFF-themed writing, all genres - closes 6/30

• Point of Pride HRT Access Fund - closes 6/30

• Illuminations Grant - $10,000 for Black trans women working in visual art in the united states - closes 6/30

• Robert Giard Grant - $10,000 to support the creation of new work by emerging LGBTQ+ photographers - closes 6/30

• River River Books - open to full-length poetry collections, pay-what-you-can - closes 6/30

• Sinister Wisdom - Mad Dykes, Queer Worlds - closes 6/30

• Abode Press Reading Internship Program - closes 6/30

• The Common - fee-free period for underrepresented, marginalized, or low-income writers - closes 7/1

• BOA Editions - Blessing the Boats Selections - open to full-length poetry collections by women of color - closes 7/14

• Anaphora Arts - Emerging Critics Program for writers of color, women & non-binary writers - fellowship app closes 7/15

• All My Relations - Volume 7: Rest - open to racially & ethnically marginalized, gender variant, & disabled creatives - closes 7/15

• Diode Editions - Full-length & Chapbook contests - closes 7/15

• The Q&A Queerzine - open to LGBT+ writers and artists - closes 7/31

• Coffin Bell - Queer, Feminist, & BIPOC Gothic issue - closes 7/31

• ANMLY - open to all genres - 8/1

• Sundress Publications - full-length poetry collections - closes 8/31

  • free subs until 6/14, free subs for BIPOC the entire reading period

• Annulet Editions - full-length poetry, prose, and literary criticism manuscripts - closes 9/15

• Chiara Di Lello & Emily Stoddard have compiled a list of upcoming deadlines from publishers in solidarity with Palestine

From around the internet:

• “Down with the Zionist Entity; Long Live ‘the Zionist Entity’” by Steven Salaita

  • When somebody lectures Palestinians about our ways of speaking, always ask: who is the audience? The Palestinians or the sophisticates who long ago decided that Palestinians don’t deserve anything of our own, not even a language?

• “Students, Gaza and a New Vision of Safety” by Sarah Jaffe for In These Times

• “Meet the Transgender Fiction Finalists for the 36th Annual Lambda Literary Awards” in Electric Lit featuring Emily Zhou, Valérie Bah, Soula Emmanuel, Sylvia Aguilar Zéleny, and Nicola Dinan

• Relatedly, Diamond Braxton reviews Trash by Sylvia Aguilar Zéleny, tr. by JD Pluecker

• Also related to Lammys season, check out the open letter from finalists to the Lambda Literary board. We’ve gotta keep holding literary institutions accountable.

• The final issue of No Contact recently came out. I love these four poems by KB Brookins, and the poem “What Is a Trans Woman?” by Zoa Coudret

• and these two wonderful poems by Tyler Raso in Electric Lit

• Feeling incredibly moved by Daniel Garcia’s essay in Shenandoah, “The Other Side”

• as well as this piece on transition, “We Only Live Twice” by Adel Tincelin, tr. by Evan McGorray

  • Words still catch me off guard and toy with me.

• Ruben Quesada discusses the work of poet féi hernandez in

  Promotion for Poetry

• mónica teresa ortiz
  ’ poetry collection Book of Provocations is available for pre-order!!!

• While I was writing this newsletter, I paused to read the latest from

  ONLY POEMS
  — an interview with KaToya Ellis Fleming on Empowering Marginalized Voices in Publishing

  • Yes, this is a tough industry but keep writing anyway. Don’t let anything divorce you from your belief that your story deserves to be told. And don’t be afraid to tell your truth.

Thank y’all for being here.

Love, rage, & liberation! <3

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Thanks for reading this far down! Trans poetica will always be free, but donations are greatly appreciated! I have three pay-what-you-want zines available here (and a new one coming soon!) I am available for editing, readings, workshops, and more after June through my site.

If you have an opportunity for trans, BIPOC, disabled, otherwise marginalized writers or artists you’d like me to include, please let me know. If I’m platforming an institution that is doing wrong by our communities, please let me know that, too.